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Gameplay |
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Value / Lastability |
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Reviewers Impression |
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Difficulty: Easy
Learning Time: Under 30 min
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Review: Sonic Heroes |
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| Tuesday, August 23, 2005 | 9:27:39 PM | By: wgjjmbw |
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Children, today’s lesson is: Milking a franchise is fun! *Language warning, not for the weak at heart or children*
Today we look at the latest 3-D plat former to use the sonic license. And the thing is, is that this game is so bad that without the sonic universe, sonic license, sonic characters, and sega logo on it, absolutely no one would like it. And you hate to admit it, but imagine the game with some no name people you’ve never heard of, you would say the game sucked, am I not right? Exactly. And that’s what I’m here for, to look at the game in an unbiased review.
First off, the look of this game is absolutely terrible, the cartoon style doesn’t fit, and the animations of especially the robots are clunky. The AI is absolutely terrible of the enemies, most don’t even care you’re throwing yourself into them. And no, an exclamation point above their head doesn’t mean they care, at least in Sonic Adventure Chaos blocked your head on attack, and in Sonic Adventure 2, the second Sonic vs Shadow battle has your opponent actually using some smart technology and blocking your attack after a couple of hits, and then countering them to try and knock you off the highway. Heck, the final boss, Metal Sonic, stands there while you sit there throwing yourself into him 150 times. He barely looked hurt, then next thing you know he’s “beat”.
Back to the look of the game, Naka specifically said this game was about “bringing sonic back to its roots”.
Today’s next lesson kids: Naka will say bullshit to excite fans.
Before you punch your Computer screen angrily, answer this simple question. What ever happened to the “cool alternative” to the “fat, smelly, plumber”? Yeah, Sonic Heroes looks badass. Let’s go find the 8-year-old bunny rabbit then listen to the most feminine voice ever in tails. The thing is, is that this game is so far from Sonic’s roots, Naka should be ashamed of himself for saying such a thing. Also, I didn’t know that “Sonic’s roots” included bad voice over's ever, terrible sound, and terrible story telling.
Well kids, today’s next lesson is: Any plot that opens with the antagonist inviting the protagonist to stop his evil plans is a spit in the face of every great writer who ever lived. Shakespeare should roll over in his grave for everyone who liked the plot in this game to kiss his ass. I could come up with 10 different better openings that led to an eventual plot twist everyone saw coming by the second or third cut scene. And why were the 4 teams fighting anyways? I can see the reason for team chaotix, but why exactly did Sonic beat down a couple of 8-year-old girls? Oh I see; it’s “Bringing Sonic Back to its roots”. And Shadow is teaming up with Rouge and Omega why? I thought he was supposed to be some sort of lone soldier, an army of one, isn’t that why he’s getting his own “edgy” game.
Back to the game, sure, the levels are not bad looking; too bad it’s associated with that cheesy 80’s music. Come on, it was acceptable in the early 90’s, but not it’s just an embarrassment. I shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed playing this game. Also, why did I fight the same bad guy 500 times? I fought the exact same robot in every level of the game, and even had a boss battle that consisted of 300 of these damn things. Hell, 2 of the boss battles ended up being the exact same machine, a stupid flying eagle that did nothing but let you ram yourself into it 500 times while it shoots off the screen and tries to fly away from you. Wait… ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I’m a 3’6 blue hedgehog and you’re some big ass plane and you’re running away from me?! Jesus Christ, ram back! Doesn’t anyone know: 1 Hedgehog < 15-ton airplane!
Children, make sure you know: Cutting and pasting is an easy way of saying “Fuck you gamers” in a video game!
Gad awe full AI, repeated bad guys, bad cheesy 80’s music, some of the worst voice overs I’ve ever heard, terrible, unresponsive camera control, and a pile of trash called a plot is only the beginning of this game.
The game? Sonic Heroes. The gimmick? Team action. Huh, bullshit. This game has 4 teams, each consisting of 3 players, and every team plays the exact same…. And don’t try and pull one on me, Big belly slapping people is the exact same as Vector using his mouth or whatever he does which is the exact same as Knuckles punching someone which is the exact same as Omega swinging his arms. Cream using her ears is the exact same as Tails using his tails, and so on, and so on. Do I even need to explain how Sonic and Shadow or just the exact same thing, exact same homing attack, ECT…
I dare you to compare this game to any of the current day plat formers, the Ratchet and Clank series, the Jak series, the Sly series, Physconauts, Super Mario Sunshine, they’re all leagues better then this game! These plat formers raise the bar all the time yet the Sonic franchise decided to take a step back this year and call it a day. I hope Sonic team is proud of themselves, way to piss off people who loved the original sonic games. That’s right, before you send hate mail claiming I just hate Sega, I loved the Sonic the hedgehog series, Sonic CD, and Sonic Adventure. Those games were classics in their own mind.
And someone once asked me, why do you like Sonic Adventure more then Sonic Heroes if it improved every aspect of the game minus the voice overs, and plot? I’ll tell you why, because the bar was not nearly as high back then. The bar in video games is being raised all the time, and that’s why video game franchises need to improve or else they will die. Back when Sonic Adventure was made, the bar was not nearly as high, if anything, Sonic Adventure set the bar for 3-D plat formers along with Super Mario 64, and Rayman 2. Here’s an example, if Super Mario Bros were released in the mid 90’s or released at the same time as Super Mario World 2, would it have been nearly as great? Of course not! If Sonic Adventure had released in 2004, would it have been nearly as great? No.
Also, in Sonic Adventure I actually cared about the game, you want to know why? Because of the story telling, I actually wanted to make sure Amy freed that bird, I actually wanted Gamma to put an end to the pain he and his robotic brothers were being put threw. I wanted Tails to prove that he wasn’t just Sonic’s bitch, I wanted him to prove to everyone that he can hold his own without Sonic their to take all of the glory and save the day. In Sonic Heroes, I didn’t give two shits about Dr Robotnik being captured, or Shadow finding out about his past. I didn’t even know what Team Rose was doing, that’s how much I couldn’t really care less about Sonic Heroes.
So if you liked Sonic Heroes, ask yourself this, and be honest, if this game was made by anyone other then Sega and didn’t have the Sonic universe or Sonic license, would you still have liked it? I bet not. This game has bad plat former all over it; it’s just too bad it had to have Sonic’s reputation attached to it. The Sonic I knew back in the early 1990’s wouldn’t either, the “Cool, alternative to the fat, slow, and smelly plumber” would never have been the “cute, cuddly, Saturday morning TV-Y7 pussy” he is today. And if you must know, yes, I would rather this game never be released, and go 4 years before a Sonic video game is released (If that's what you want to call Shadow the hedgehog).
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Pros & Cons |
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The Good
• Not too bad of graphics
• Game play is mediocre, not too bad if you like bad games
• ........................Yeah........................
• ....................Let's see......................
• You don't have to play it!
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The Bad
• Everything else....
• Terrible AI, music, voice overs, plot, characters, control, level design *no, loop, run, kill same repeated bad guy, loop, is not good*
• It exists...
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